→ A Woman Diary

DEAR DIARY
Day 1.
Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate.When it came time to re-enact our wedding night, he locked himself inthe bathroom and cried.

Day 2.
Today, he says he has a big secret to tell me. He's impotent, he says,and he wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn't he tell mesomething I don't know! I mean, he actually thinks I haven't noticed.

Day 3.
This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs. Yesterday, I saw apicture of Nelson's Column and burst into tears.

Day 4.
A miracle has happened! There's a new drug on the market that will fixhis 'problem.' It's called Viagra. I told him that if he takes Viagra,things will be just like they were on our wedding night. I think thiswill work. I replaced his Prozac with the Viagra, hoping to liftsomething other than his mood.

Day 5.
What absolute bliss!!.

Day 6.
Isn't life wonderful but it's difficult to write while he's doing that.

Day 7.
This Viagra thing has gone to his head. No pun intended! Yesterday, atBurger King, the manager asked me if I'd like a Whopper. He thought theywere talking about him. But, have to admit it's very nice - I don'tthink I've ever been so happy.

Day 8.
I think he took too many over the weekend. Yesterday, instead of mowingthe lawn, he was using his new friend as a weed whacker. I'm alsogetting a bit sore down there.

Day 9.
No time to write. He might catch me.

Day 10.
Okay, I admit it. I'm hiding. I mean, a girl can only take so much. And to make matters worse, he's washing the Viagra down with neat whisky!What am I going to do? I feel tacky all over....

Day 11.
I'm basically being screwed to death. It's like living with a Black andDecker drill. I woke up this morning hot-glued to the bed. Even myarmpits hurt. He's a complete pig.

Day 12.
I wish he was gay. I've stopped wearing make-up, cleaning my teeth or even washing but he still keeps coming after me! Even yawning has become dangerous ..

Day 13.
Every time I shut my eyes, there's a sneak attack! It's like going to bed with a scud missile. I can hardly walk and if he tries that "Oops,sorry" thing again, I'll kill the bastard.

Day 14.
I've done everything to turn him off. Nothing is working. I even started dressing like a nun but this just seems to make him more horny. Help me.

Day 15.
I think I'll have to kill him. I'm starting to stick to everything I siton. The cat and dog won't go near him and our friends don't come over any more. Last night I told him to go and fuck himself and he did.

Day 16.
The bastard has started to complain about headaches. I hope the bloody thing explodes. I did suggest he might try stopping the Viagra and going back on Prozac.

Day 17.
Switched the pills but it doesn't seem to have made anydifference......Christ !!! here he comes again.

Day 18.
He's back on Prozac. The lazy sod just sits there in front of the TV all day with that remote control in his hand and expects me to do everythingfor him. What absolute bliss!!.